Ask Alan

Carlos is considering popping the question. But before he does, he seeks my intuitive insights!

April 2008


Dear Alan,

I've never been married as I've been too busy with my career and having the fun that only a bachelor can have. But I've met a woman who has done something to me like never before. I'm actually contemplating popping the question. What do you think? Should I go through with it? Would she say yes? Or is this more fling than forever?



Dear Carlos,

The first impression I get as I connect to your energy is that you have taken a break from your normal routine. You mentioned your career, but from what I sense I would say that it's as if you are unemployed at the moment – or at least in between jobs.

This break doesn't feel very welcome nor does it feel comfortable for you. I sense you are the kind of man who really needs to keep moving and keep doing to maintain your sanity. Any time to yourself and I have you becoming fidgety. There's a real nervousness that comes through when you're not under the pressure of a deadline.

When I tune in to how you feel about her, the emotions are sincere and they are heartfelt. But I get the impression that there's also a sense of obligation and responsibility. This is the energy of duty more than it is the energy of romantic love.

If I had to go out on a limb, I would say that you feel that you have to marry this woman more than you want to marry her. Now having said that I don't sense that this is the typical sort of situation in which a man feels he needs to marry a woman. I don't sense that she is pregnant. In fact, this need in a bizarre sort of way has very little to do with her.

I want to say that you feel you need to get married because of your situation. I keep coming back to your career and this break. Herein lies the connection.

I sense that the marriage represents a key to the closed door symbol that I believe represents your career. I want to say that you think that marrying this woman will kick start your career.

Discussions have taken place and deals made. All you have to do is marry her. To be sure, this sounds a bit out there – but I have to say what I perceive. And that's it. So, there you go.

Now she really does see you as her knight in shining armour. You make her feel safe. And it's as if she never felt that she could hook up with someone of your league – when you're with her, heads turn. You make quite a couple.

In short, you are her dream come true. And I sense that she's already hearing wedding bells even though you've not yet got down on bended-knee. So, I don't sense that there's any risk of her saying anything else other than a very, very enthusiastic yes.

And despite what I perceive to be your motivations, I believe that she would be happy in this marriage. She'll be satisfied with whatever or however much of you she can get. She'll settle and stay the course even though I don't sense that she will end up with the marriage that she thinks she'll get.

You're the person in this marriage that I sense will want out. You are going to need a very strong woman in your life. At present, your fiancée-to-be plays this part. But it's an act. And I don't see her carrying on after you've been together. She's going to want to relax. And while I'm not criticising her at all, I have to say that who she becomes when she does won't be the person you know now.

I've seen people get married for motivations other than romantic love. And I've seen people stay together for such reasons. But I've yet to see such an arrangement bring true happiness to both participants.

So, I cannot help but feel that I want to ask you to reconsider whether you want to go down this path. Really take a hard look at this monumental step you are taking and make sure that you can go forward in good faith and good conscience. If you can, then I wish you all the best and all the happiness in the world. If not, then please, please reconsider now and not after walking down that aisle.

One last thing. About your career, you don't need this marriage to get it back on track. That's scheduled to happen regardless. So, factor that into your plans.

With that, I wish you all the best.


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